The creator of despair and darkness

It is at this time of the day that I frolick in the bottomless despair. I would like to say sorry to those whom I have shown the other side. Yes you. If you think you are the one. If you ever read this post. I know I have been mentally and emotionally abusing and using you,as a pillar. In my waves I hope you stay strong. I have no intention to destroy you, for your existence is crucial to mine. Please don't feel offended. I speak my mind, only to you and you people. If you guys shut away, then probably I would explode. Been drifting away from those that seem close to me. Because of my intervention,my utter disgust at them and myself for feeling that way. WHY DO YOU GUYS CONTINUE PISS ME OFF. WHY PRECISELY YOU GUYS. I need a distance so that I can get rid of nausea. It's just me. She has been drifting away too. Saw her having a new "brother". This jealously, this uncertainty irks me. I know I think too much but I can't help thinking that way. But rest ass...

It's August already. And I am still feeling worse by the minute. Life has become so unbearable for me....that I weep in silence every night and day/without the tears. I am experiencing Weakness. Physically, mentally,whatever one can think of to describe, it will be irrepressibly linked back to "Weakness". I feel weak even thinking about this Weakness. I feel despair when the Weakness impedes me to achieving what I want. If only I could have some willpower. Darkness overwhelms me when the thought, the mere thought of the Weakness will bring me even more pain on my journey. Like a speck of sand blown around in vast deserts. Unforgivable, but can anyone please forgive me? Not just a mere plea, but a unwavering holler. Why do I open my eyes to see Weakness impeding solutions for Weakness. Vicious cycle. Of course the Weakness is the key for not ending my life of Weakness. Ironic. If I only had a little more willpower, I would end it swiftly. Crushing Weakness, frail strength....